(Slightly) Shorter Joe Lieberman:

Just lie back and think of England America.

My Profanity-laced Rant Against the Media

It seems we have a global food crisis on our hands. Who knew? Well I sure as hell wouldn't, if the major news outlets were all I paid attention to. Why do I have to go to National fucking Geographic to find out about this? What network news editor decided that telling the American people about a global food crisis was a less important story than manufactured outrage about something Wes Clark said? Why aren't all the networks starting their broadcasts by screaming "Ohmifuckingod! We're out of food!!! HALP!"? Sure, I catch these little snippets here and there, such as stories about Japan's butter shortage or about Costco rationing basmati rice in California. But where is the big picture view? Why do these stories have to be doled out like little clues leading up to the two-part season finale in which it is revealed that the food crisis is the result of the Daleks stealing the Earth's food to feed their new army of genetically-engineered pig slaves?

I see this as yet another sign of the decline of our media. It's lamentable but relatively unimportant that there are now kids entering college who do not remember a time when you could turn on MTV and see music videos. (Yeah, yeah, get off my lawn, yadda yadda . . .) But is it too much to ask that I be able to turn on CNN Headline News and be able to watch, you know, a summary of news headlines? Isn't that the whole point of the network? When I was a kid and we only had the three major networks plus PBS, you could watch the evening news at 6:30pm or not at all. If you wanted to watch the news while eating dinner at 7:00pm, well you were just shit-outta-luck; it was Three's Company reruns for you. But then came Headline News! You could get a half-hour full of national news anytime you wanted, even at 1:30am at the 24-hour laundromat on Nth Street. I thought 24-7 access to TV news was a problem we had solved a long time ago. If it ain't broke, don't fuck with it.

So why is it that now when I want to the news while eating dinner at 7:00pm, I turn on the so-called Headline News channel only to be greeted by a stream of idiotic bile spewing from the mouth of Glenn fucking Beck? You expect me to keep food down with that shit on? Fuck, even the Three's Company reruns were better than that. And it's not like I can just wait until his wretched show is over and then get me some news headlines, 'cause after him they have Nancy Grace, and after her they replay Glenn Beck again, and then her again, and then fucking Showbiz Tonight, and then Glenn Beck a third time, and so on. CNN Headline News has no headline news between 7pm and 3am!! WTF??? Do I have to have a TiVo now just to watch the fucking news? Hell, if some network exec has decided that Glenn Beck absolutely has to have three hours a day of TV time to share his ex recto views with the rest of us, couldn't they have put him on one of the other 200+ cable/satellite channels? Put him on QVC, and let him peddle his brand of self-satisfied pseudo-conservatism in between pitches for cubic zirconia necklaces and Ginsu knives.

Where have you gone, Lynne Russell? A news-hungry nation turns its eyes to you.

"But they all look alike to me."

Via Talking Points Memo, we learn of Karl Rove's recent characterization of Barack Obama:

He's the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone who passes by.

Sorry, Karl, you've got Obama confused with a different black guy:

You look like that guy. In that movie.

I was in a store yesterday, and one of the employees said to me, "You look just like [name of actor] in [name of movie], only his hair was darker."

The funny thing is, said actor did not appear in said movie.

Despite this, I am absolutely certain I know exactly what he meant.

I hereby announce my third-party candidacy.

I have recently become aware that I have a ready-made constituency, eager to propel me to the White House!

On behalf of millions of Clinton supporters who have made it very clear that we will vote for a cockroach before we vote for Barack Obama, I would like you pieces of Obama crap to know that you can kiss our asses.

O disgruntled millions, your dream candidate is here! I want you to know that this cockroach feels your pain. But our road to victory will not be an easy one. Currently Barack Obama and John McCain have much greater name recognition than Giant Mutant Cockroach. Hell, as it stands now I bet even Bob Barr could kick my ass in the voting booth. So I'll need to raise a lot of money between now and November, and I'm counting on you, the disgruntled Hillary supporters, to give it to me. Preferably in cash. Just shove a few tens or twenties under the refrigerator. I promise to spend it all on campaign advertising. Really. Not one dime will go towards the purchase of my yacht.

So what are my policy positions? Who gives a shit! All that matters is that I'm a cockroach, not that upstart Barack Obama. That alone should get me your vote. Why should you care that I will pack the Supreme Court with my enormous insect cronies? Or that I will abolish the FDA and make pesticide use punishable by death? Remember, all that matters is that together we can deny Obama the presidency! The Obama! It stole our preciousss! We hates it forever!

Giant Mutant Cockroach in '08! Vengeance Victory will be ours!

Freedom, Death, and Memory

Suicide in Union Square
Originally uploaded by trexfiles23

Jeff Trexler asks, "Should I have been arrested for taking this picture?"

Go read the post at The Blingdom of God.

When you stare into the arcade,

the arcade stares back at you.

Via The Blingdom of God.

I suspect F. Labs is behind this.

If you know what I mean (and I think that you do.)

Cockroach-gate!

Helen Clark is hereby declared an honorary mutant cockroach.

Via.

Sample Size = 2

A few data points to consider:

My father (white male, age 70) consistently voted Republican in presidential elections until at least 2000. Earlier this year he said he would probably vote for Bloomberg if he were to announce an independent bid. Following Bloomberg's announcement that he would not run, Obama became his candidate of choice. He thinks McCain is to old to be president ("He's as old as I am!"). He respects McCain's record of military service but thinks McCain doesn't really know what he's talking about when it comes to economic and foreign policy.

My mother (white female, age 68) notes that she is in the demographic that is supposed to be Sen. Clinton's base of support. However, she finds Barack Obama to be inspiring and eagerly looks forward to voting for him in the fall. Hillary Clinton, on the other hand, reminds her of Tracy Flick.

I only wish my parents lived in Pennsylvania.