I hear the undisclosed location is quite lovely this time of year.

Mr. & Mrs. Ego are heading off for a long-overdue break from the usual routine. As a result, the Alter Ego, the alter-Alter Ego, and all other personalities and mental phenomena deriving therefrom will be offline till after Memorial Day. Try to stay out of trouble while we're away.

The Nancy Reagan of Giant Mutant Cockroaches

I understand that many people have an inherent dislike for cockroaches, especially those of us who belong to the giant, mutant variety. I don't know why. Sure we look a little funny, but we can be forces for good! Consider this man's story of his friend's encounter with Rambo Roach and how Rambo helped his buddy to "just say no."

When I was arrested, they placed me in a dimly-lit cell alone. During the night I awoke to see what appeared to be a giant mutant cockroach at least 4 1/2 inches long standing on its hind legs in the middle of my chest. He was dressed in a green beret and camouflage dungarees which looked as if they had come off of a G.I Joe doll. At his side was a large sewing needle strapped on like a saber. As my eyes cleared, he began to speak. "I am Rambo Roach and this is my home and you are tresspassing. If you wish to remain here you will have to pay rent to me and my troops." He then informed me the cold sack lunches which the guard brought twice a day belonged to them.

Welcome to my virtual shed.

Who needs a shed to hide out in? Sheds cost money.

By contrast, a blog can be set up for free.

(Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson was unavailable for comment on this story.)

Why are conference calls are better than regular meetings?

Because you can post to your blog while in the middle of a conference call.

(There are plenty of other non-meeting-related things you can do during a conference call, but I haven't tried them. Yet.)

A Simple Question

I have heard many times, and read again recently, that your driving habits (e.g., how fast you accelerate, whether you stick to the speed limit) will affect your gas mileage.

I have also read in many reviews of hybrid cars that one of the really neat features of such cars is a dashboard indicator that tells you your current gas mileage in real-time, so you can adjust your driving habits to maximize your mpg's.

My question is, why don't all cars have such indicators? Why can't every vehicle tell you how many miles per gallon you're getting right now?

Just askin'.

(Link via Lifehacker.)

"It looks just like a Telefunken U-47."

Is it just my dirty mind, or does this Reuters article seem unusually suggestive?

Robot gets up close and personal in China

Fri May 5, 8:17 AM ET

BEIJING (Reuters) - China has manufactured its first "personal robot" that can provide services at home and, among other skills, log on to the Internet and tell its owners the news and weather, Xinhua news agency said Friday.

Liangliang, standing at about 80 cm (nearly three feet), is able to walk and navigate obstacles at ease, as well as perform tasks as instructed by humans.

Its developer, the Shenyang-based Xinsong Automation Co., affiliated with the Chinese Academy of Sciences, said the robot cold "provide services of education, entertainment and security" and act as a personal assistant, Xinhua said.

It did not go into details.

Hmm. . . "personal robot" that can provide services . . . as well as perform tasks as instructed by humans . . . standing at about 80 cm (nearly three feet) . . .

. . . and a flat head you can put a beer on.


It's probably just my dirty mind. Now if this were being made by a Japanese company, that would be a different matter.

35

Si le silence est d'or, Rrose Sélavy abaisse ses cils et s'endort.

- Robert Desnos, Rrose Sélavy

Join the 5-minute hate, win an X-Box 360!

I don't even know how to begin to describe this pop-up ad.



If you're more old-school and aren't into videogames, try War on Terror - the boardgame!

Please allow me to introduce myself . . .

Thanks, MAE, for allowing me to share your space here. I promise to only come out from under the refrigerator when you don't have guests over.

For those of you who haven't met me before, I'm just your average giant mutant cockroach, typical denizen of a post-nuclear-holocaust wasteland in which there are fewer of you and more of us. So how am I able to comment and blog in 2006, a world not yet ravaged by nuclear war? More on that later, but suffice to say we giant mutant cockroaches are a clever bunch.

I'll wrap up my first post here with a link to The Cockroach FAQ - everything you always wanted to know about cockroaches but were afraid to ask. While the questions and answers there relate to the regular cocroaches you are more likely to be familiar with, we giant mutant cockroaches have a lot in common with our pre-apocalyptic ancestors, so much of the information found there remains true for us. For example:

Thirst, hunger, sex and safety rule the cockroach life.

See, you and I are not so different after all!

While they keep their bodies clean for their own protection, they are not and can not be 'house broken'. Think of them as an eternal puppy.

Aww! How cute! Don't you want a cockroach of your very own?

Till next time . . .

And these have smaller fleas that bite 'em

It was only a matter of time, I suppose, before My Alter Ego spawned an alter ego of my own. (An alter-alter ego? A meta alter ego? A symptom of serious mental illness? Who knows.)

Anyhow, since he seems to have established a semi-regular existence commenting at several of the blogs I frequent, it only seems fitting to welcome the Giant Mutant Cockroach as a co-blogger here. Make of this what you will.