Friday, December 09, 2005

Pat the Bunny

Isn't the Internet wonderful? There's a site where you can download a free videogame featuring a cute bunny that apparently responds to your attention the way a woman would. That is, if a woman's anatomy were represented by a bunny. "A magical pet adventure...and stealthy primer on female sexual pleasure."



Via Boing Boing.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Believe it or not.

It is possible to have a serious, emotionally-charged argument about the best way to fold undershirts.

What to get for the person who has everything.

Have a hard-to-shop-for person on your holiday gift list? It's not too late to bid on a genuine mummified armadillo foot.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Flu Shot

Ouch!

Update: Does the fact that I was looking at this picture as I got my flu shot increase or decrease my protection against bird flu?


(OK, so it wasn't exactly this picture. It was another of Chagall's "Surreal Giant Chicken" paintings. But this was the closest I could find.)

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

The Glory of Love

Ever arrive at the tail end of a seven-hour argument only to realize that, not only was nothing settled or concluded, but you really have no fucking clue what you were actually arguing about?

Ain't love grand?

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

We hates the Baggins! We hates it forever!

People are dying over in Iraq, and what pressing question does CNN report on?

What does Bush keep in his pockets?

Friday, October 28, 2005

Sulu is gay!

I was reading CNN.com this morning, and you know what grabbed my attention? The impending indictment of Scooter Libby? Anti-Israel demonstrations in Iran? Tropical storm Beta approaching hurricane status? No, it was this: George Takei is gay.

Well good for him! I'm glad he felt secure enough to come out of the closet after all these years!

But come on, CNN, of all the pictures you could possibly have chosen to accompany the story, you chose this one?

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Meanwhile, back at the Mineshaft . . .

Over at Unfogged, everyone is engaged in a very earnest discussion of food and recipies. I don't want to spoil the party, so I won't stink up that joint by responding to the question "What should FL eat?" with a link to eathufu.com. Hell, I won't even respond to bostoniangirl's begging-to-be-innuendoed comment about not having a slotted spoon anymore. See, I can master temptation! Even the Alter Ego has a modicum of self-discipline!

Friday, October 21, 2005

Compare and Contrast

Here are the opening paragraphs of an article from St. Louis Commerce magazine entitled "Cyberspace CEO", proudly posted on the SAVVIS website:

Rob McCormick swivels in his office chair, pulls two bottled waters from a small fridge and hands one across his desk to a visitor. There’s nothing ostentatious about him or his office, but there is an energy you can feel in this CEO and in his company SAVVIS, headquartered in Town and Country.

Unlike most CEOs, McCormick doesn’t have a corner office. He sits in a converted storage area that now has floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking two stories of flat screen displays and rows of computer monitors that make up SAVVIS’ St. Louis Global Operations Center (one of three, the others are in the UK and Singapore).
And here are the opening paragraphs of a story on CNN.com:

NEW YORK (AP) -- American Express is suing the CEO of a communications company for payment of $241,000 worth of disputed credit card charges at a Manhattan topless club.

American Express says in papers filed in state court that Savvis Inc. chief executive officer Robert A. McCormick was in the club Scores in October 2003 with at least three other men.

After McCormick got the $241,000 corporate credit card bill, Savvis called American Express and complained that some of the charges were fraudulent, the lawsuit says. The communications company said its chief disputed all but about $20,000, according to the lawsuit.

Soap Opera Update

In case anyone is following the story of Mr. & Mrs. Ego, well, believe it or not they are actually making significant progress at working out all the shit they have to work out. Will wonders never cease? Once again, the judgement of the Ego proves superior to that of the Alter Ego.

I still think my blog is more fun than his, though.

Friday, October 14, 2005

What are those kids up to?

From deep in the Mineshaft, apostropher points out the most exquisite example of generation-gap-cluelessness ever documented.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

ATM

When I encounter the letters ATM and my brain begins to decipher their meaning, there are three distinct phrases that spring to my mind. And it is with an odd mix of shame and self-acceptance that I realize that the meaning that the vast majority of Americans would assign to those letters is #3 on my list, and that #1 and #2 on my personal list are too raunchy and/or obscure to appear on this list.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Update, for the curious.

Inquiring minds may be interested to know that the Ego did not take my advice. He is much more of an optimist than I am. So he and Mrs. Ego are still together. All in all, I guess it's a good thing that the he is the Ego and I am just the Alter Ego. But man-oh-man, he and she have some serious shit to work through. And to be fair to her, she is not the only crazy one in the relationship. Hell, the existence of this blog, complete with the whole "Alter Ego" pretense, should be evidence enough of that.

But enough about that, already. How 'bout them Sox?

Wise beyond their years.

Here are some valuable insights by kids aged 7-10 on the subject of marriage. Ah, if I knew then what they know now . . .

Friday, September 30, 2005

Clarification needed.

Todays CNN.com Quick Vote poll question is "Would you want to own a car that can swivel 360 degrees?"

My question in response: Around what axis?

I mean, are we talking roll, pitch, or yaw?

Update: Apparently, they are referring to this thing. Armed with this information, I can confidently say I would not want to own such a car. However, scaled down it would make a pretty good Halloween mask.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

I got it bad.

Symptom: You find yourself checking your own blog hoping to find something new and amusing.

Diagnoses welome.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Looking for logic in all the wrong places.

There's one thing that has always bugged me about the song "You're So Vain":

If you happen to be the person the song is actually about, it's not really a sign of your vanity if you think the song is about you, right? I mean, the song is, in fact, about you, so your recognition of this fact does not constitute additional evidence of your vanity.

Am I wrong here?

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Note to the Ego:

Dear Ego,

Stop trying to save crazy women from themselves.

It doesn't work.

So just stop it.

OK?

Sincerely,

Your Alter Ego

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

High time for a walk on the real side.

Things are not looking good for Mr. Ego. Or maybe they are. It's hard to tell, it's hard to tell.

OK, Mr. Ego. It's your move.

And stop being such a pussy.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Pictures came and broke your heart.

"And now I understand the supernova scene" is a much better line than "and now I undersand the problems you can see," despite or maybe because of the fact that I have no idea what it means.

(Google if you're curious.)

Sunday, August 28, 2005

My Dream Job

When I read this comment over at Unfogged, a little light bulb turned on above my head.

Imagine, a job where they pay you to procrastinate!

(In a sense, this describes my current job, only my employer doesn't realize it.)

I can just picture it. The boss is standing in the entrance to the employee's cubicle. . .

Boss: Walters, I need you to write a report on third-quarter sales.
Walters: Sure, boss, when do you need it?
Boss: If you get it to me any sooner than next Friday, you'll be looking for a new job!

I wonder if such a work scenario would actually make me more produtive, in sort of a reverse-psychology way. Guess I'll never find out.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Odd Poetry from Spam Emails (#1)

The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards.
I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.
I expect nothing. I fear no one. I am free.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

A Thong Problem

This is pure poetry, a complaint and a celebration all in one!

Shorter Jarrett McNeill: "With great power comes great responsibility."

Update: The original link no longer works, but here is the Google cache.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

I think I once played in one of these bands . . .

Whoever can prove that they have songs from all these bands on their iPod wins a million dollars!

(Not really. But in an ideal world, that is what would happen.)

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

What kind of freak does this make me?

My Alter Ego is forced to admit that I really want to go and find this and try it out. And what does it say about me that I can eagerly imagine possibilities for using it beyond the obvious ones?

Let's step inside and get freaky!

More Naked People on the Internet!

My Alter Ego considers posting nude pictures of me on the Internet. My Alter Ego thinks there should be nude pictures of EVERYBODY on the internet, no exceptions! Old people, young people, fat people, skinny people, pretty people, ugly people, everybody!

Only problem is, My Alter Ego has no nude pictures of me. I don't own a digital camera, either. So no nude pictures of me for now.

Everybody else can go first.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Who cares about Karl Rove?!!

My Alter Ego is sick of reading about Karl Rove. Who cares if Atrios and Kos think Rove should resign? Who cares if the guys at Powerline and Little Green Footballs think Rove can do no wrong? Really, who gives a fuck?!! My Alter Ego would rather read blogs in which hot women in their early twenties write about their wild sexual exploits.

Hey, Ego! Why do you not have any such blogs in your Bloglines subscription list??? What the hell is wrong with you?!! Where's your sense of perspective???

My Alter Ego speaks!

My Ego already has an anonymous blog where he can post his insane ravings on the Internet. But there are some things he doesn't want to post there, because he wants to maintain a consistent tone to his writing, or something.

What bullshit.

My Alter Ego therefore demands an anonymous blog of my own, so I can post whatever the hell I want!

What My Alter Ego wants, My Alter Ego gets. Screw you, Ego!