Sunday, February 17, 2008

Saturday, February 09, 2008

If it ain't brokered . . .

After helping the Republicans decide that John McCain would likely be their candidate, Super Tuesday was all tuckered out and retreated to its Fortress of Solitude, leaving unfinished the task of selecting a Democratic nominee. With things still up in the air, there is talk of the Democrats going old school and actually choosing a candidate at the convention! How exciting is that! After years of getting by with political methadone, political junkies might finally get a taste of the real thing!

Will there be smoke-filled rooms? Yes, but this is not your grandfather's Democratic Party, so things will be different. Instead of smoke from five-cent cigars, these rooms will be filled with environmentally-friendly, carbon-neutral eco-smoke, made by burning recycled hemp fibers over flames of hope fueled by the dreams of an all-inclusive multicultural America! After the convention, the smoke will be sequestered deep underground, where the immense weight of the earth's crust will compress it into diamonds!

All this convention talk brings back fond memories of my first convention. It was 1984. Walter Koenig was there, and they showed a reel of Star Trek bloopers. Lots of guys were dressed in costumes, and at one of the vendor's tables I found a long-sought-after copy of Champion of Garathorm, the missing volume I needed to complete my set of the second Hawkmoon trilogy! Could the 2008 Democratic Convention possibly be as exciting as that one? Maybe, but my first time will always hold a special place in my heart.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

It's a bird! It's a plane!

It’s Super Tuesday!

Yes, it’s here! That special day that comes only once every four years, when mild-mannered Tuesday dashes into a phone booth, removes its glasses, rips off its drab office attire and emerges in a red-and-blue spandex bodysuit, boots, and a cape! How it managed to fit those fabulous red boots inside its black leather shoes is a mystery that can be explained only by Super Tuesday’s overwhelming superness! And the fact that no one ever comes across Super Tuesday’s discarded suit in an empty phone booth and steals its wallet? Prevented by the superness!

Yes, Super Tuesday fights for us! It fights for truth, justice, and the American way of arbitrarily giving voters in some states and not others a crucial role in choosing the next leader of the free world! And this year it’s more super than ever! With better special effects!

Look out, Super Tuesday! There’s kryptonite in that voting machine! How will you save us???