Giant Mutant Cockroach interviews Joe the Plumber

GMC: So, Joe . . . Can I call you Joe?

JtP: Sure, why not. Can I smash you with a shoe?

GMC: I'd rather you didn't. So let's drop the pretense. You're not really Joe the plumber, are you?

JtP: And you're not really a giant cockroach.

GMC: Touché.

JtP: But in any case, it doesn't matter that I'm not the real Joe the plumber, because the Joe the plumber that John McCain and Sarah Palin have been talking about is not the real Joe the Plumber. They've been talking about me.

GMC: So who are you, exactly?

JtP: I'm the Joe the Plumber that lives in the heart of every real American. And Barack Obama wants to raise my taxes. And that's downright unamerican.

GMC: But Joe, Obama will only raise taxes on those earning more than $250,000 a year. You don't earn anywhere near that much, do you?

JtP: See, that's the really insidious part of Obama's evil plan. Sure, I'm not earning that much yet. But someday I might! That's my dream, that's the American dream, and Barack Obama wants to tax the American dream! Sure I may only be pulling in thirty grand now, and I may be living in a rented doublewide, but at night I dream of owning a mansion. A really huge mansion. But as soon as I start dreaming, along comes Obama, saying he'll raise my taxes, and because of that I'll only be able to afford a 9,000 square foot mansion, instead of the 9,500 square feet I always dreamed of! Instead of buying a Rolls Royce, I'll have to settle for a Bentley. Hell, if I gotta compromise my dreams that way, it's not even worth striving for them. In fact, I don't think I'll even go in to work tomorrow.

GMC: Damn, Joe, that is bad. I never realised that when you raise taxes on the rich by even a small amount people will stop wanting to be rich. That could have a devastating effect on the whole economy!

JtP: Sure, 'cause if you can't be dirty, stinkin', filthy rich, what's the point? You might as well just be poor.

GMC: So if that's the case, why doesn't John McCain propose cutting taxes on the rich to zero? Then the poor would have no excuses any more. They couldn't help but work hard to try to be rich!

JtP: How do you know he won't do just that? Didn't you hear him last week when he said he's got the Democrats right where he wants 'em? He's been lulling them into complacency, and next week, in the final week of the campaign, he'll spring his "zero taxes on the rich" plan on the unsuspecting public. And it'll be too late for the Democrats to react. John McCain will win in a landslide!

GMC: Christ, what a maverick!

JtP: Yeah, it almost makes me feel sorry for the Democrats. They'll never know what hit 'em.