Friday, March 23, 2007

MAE’s Number Theory of Ducks

  1. If ducks were integers, every other duck would be an odd duck.
  2. If every other duck were an odd duck, odd ducks would not be odd at all.
  3. If there were no odd ducks, I would not exist, as it has been pointed out to me that I am an odd duck.
  4. I think I am, therefore I am (I think.) Therefore, ducks are not integers.
  5. The same logic can be used to demonstrate that ducks are neither natural* nor negative.**
  6. Anyone who has ever tried to reason with a duck knows that ducks are not rational.
  7. The set of real ducks consists of irrational ducks and dead ducks.
  8. The set of all ducks consists of real ducks and imaginary ducks.
  9. Ducks that have a real part and an imaginary part are known as complex ducks.***
* The fact that ducks are not natural has been viewed by some as lending support to the theory of intelligent design. We will not explore such implications at this time.

** We frequently receive reports from those who claim to have encountered negative ducks. In every such case that we have investigated, it was found that the duck in question was not negative but was merely offering valid criticism.

*** An example of a complex duck would be a duck with real wings and imaginary antlers.

3 comments:

The Modesto Kid said...

How do geese fit in to this schema? (also, squirrels.)

Tia said...

MAE seems intent, as is his wont, on ducking the question.

The real answer is that in any game of duck duck goose, the position of the goose among the list of ducks will follow either the fibonacci sequence or the sequence of primes, depending on the phase of the squirrels (squirrels have two phases: laughter and Attack!).

The Modesto Kid said...

Ducks can be cruel.